Good Day

So I am in a lovely mood right now. I'm really tired, so I'm going to bed after this. But I thought I'd write a blog, since I feel so lovely :)

I just got back from a barbeque/late Christmas party thing at Ty's house. It was way fun. His dad plays at Jazz Clubs sometimes, so these crazy talented musicians were there playing music, and Ty and I played some songs, but it was kinda lame cause he forgot half the songs....booooo haha. But it was still fun. And the singers..omg. This one guy had a really nice blues voice, and another guy could hit some pretty crazy notes. I was almost scared to sing after them haha. I'm starting to lose my nerves singing in front of people though. It's cool :) Then I go to play with his doggies. His little dog is insane. He chases flaslight lights even more frantically than cats haha. It was hilarious.

Omg so big guy in tight clothes just came on TV and is cheerleading...GROSS. Oh well that's Japanese TV. Now there's some random Japanese girl in a pink dress. Everyones laughing..so I guess whatever she's saying is funny. I don't know, I can't understand.

Anyway. Another reason I'm happy. I'm eating keylime pie. Oh baby. I get more in less than a week for my birthday XD If you've never had keylime pie...I'm sorry. You're missing out on life. It's the most amazing thing ever. Hehe.

I'm also happy because I have THE most amazing boyfriend in the entire world. He's so sweet. He always tells me that I'm beatiful :) Hehe. I love it. And he just sent my Christmas/Birthday package. I'm pretty excited for it. He put in one of his old hoodies, and it's supposed to smell like him. AHH! Can't wait to get it XD. I'm such a loesr, I know, but I'm crazy about the kid. I have ann excuse.

More reasons to be happy! Hi-BA snow camp tomorrow! SNOWBOARDING! Wee! I have no idea who's going to camp though...as far as I know I don't really know anyone very well haha. Oh well. It'll still be loads of fun. Hopefully this year they'll get pictures of me actually riding the snowboarding instead of me on my butt in every single picture. I CAN snowboard people!

Oh many this keylime pie is good.

nevershoutnever! posted a new song that's going to be on his uke EP today. It's beautiful. Go listen! www.myspace.com/nevershoutnever

Ok second to last reason to be very happy haha. My aunty Susan and uncle Tori sent me this insanely amazing book for my birthday. It's this huge book, and it's the 100 best pictures from LIFE magazine. Oh man...so good. I haven't looked through the whole book yet, but it's pretty amazing.

Ok last reason to be happy. I'M GOING TO SLEEP SOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!! :D

Goodnight everyone!! Lovesssss to you!

4 days till I'm 18!

Jingle Bell Rooooock

Well now! It seems that it has been over a month since I wrote a decent blog post. I don't think anyone reads this anymore though...haha. If you do leave me a comment, or tell me. It'll make me smile :) Anyway! Life is chill right now. Litterally. Starting to get cold here.

It was my Gummy Bear's birthday yesterday. He's an old man now. 19. Haha. XD. I feel weird still being 17. I'm so closed to 18! Gah! Anyway. Hope he gets my presents soon...I wanna make him smile with them since I couldn't be with him on his birthday.

So 18...for me in...10 days?! HOLY CRAP!! I'm gonna be legal in just 10 days!! Hehe. Sweet XD. I wanna do something for my 18th birthday....but there isn't really anything that I want to do in this country that wouldn't cost everyone loads. I'm thinking guitar hero and movies...all day. And then girls sleep over, and we play more guitar hero and watch more movies. With lots of keylime pie. Omg. *drool*. And pasta. Hmm....I'm pretty down with this idea. We'll see if I'm enthusiastic enough to actually go through with it.

So Christmas! It's actually in three days but...my family is celebrating it on Tuesday! Wee! I get my new beautiful Seagull guitar for REALS TOMORROW!!!!!! I'm so stoked. We've had it at home, cause I picked it out over a week ago, but it's been sitting in the corner staring at me, cause I'm not allowed to play it until we do our whole presents thingy. Haha. I'm pretty stoked though. I bought my mom her stocking stuffers today, gotta wrap them tomorrow while she's gone visiting a friend at the hospital. They're all pretty nice things, I hope she like them :). I hope she likes her Christmas present as well. I'm not gonna say what it is just in case she reads my blog haha. I got my brother Showbread's Anorexia Nervosa, cause I decided he needed to expand his music to things better than the Jonas Brothers, although I do give him MAJOR props for digging underOATH haha. I'm making my dad a calendar, hope he likes it. And then I sent my sista a braclet/hair tie (could go either way) that totally made me think of her as sooon as I saw it, and one of my original pictures, framed. I think she'll be happy. I sent my girls in Torrance some little goodies to. I hope they like! We'll see how Graham takes his presents....haha.

Oh man, so in the past week and a half or so, I have become insanely obsessed with Twilight. I read the first book, watched the movie online, and just finished New Moon. Amazing. Simply amazing. This series is just like...wow. I can't wait for the second movie to come out. Totally going to the midnight showing, and dragging Graham along with me haha. I hope it's better than the first one, since the first one was dissapointing in many ways, but I still liked it. Anywho. Edward Cullen. Wow. Haha. Ok I'm so obsessed with this book. I'm such a sucker for romance. But I'm a romantic, in every sense of the word, so you can't really expect much more from me :)

Anywho that's enough for now. It's 12:30am and I'm pretty tired so it's bed time for Miyuki!

Goodnight kids. I loves yoooooooou. Merry Christmas!!

I am...

a sack of dissapointment.

And it's all I'll ever be.

We Come Across A Lot Of Things In Our Lives

Alrighty! So I am in a pretty good mood tonight, for the most part. Had a freaking BLAST at Hi-BA. We had a huge crack-up fest. Katya told some hilarious stories so we were all hystarical. And I was supposed to lead worship...slightly difficult when I'm still trying to stop laughing haha. But ya. Pretty awesome. She told us about this 70year old Philippino woman she met during the summer that was like "When I had my first child, she was so hairy, I thought I gave birth to a monkey!!" And omg, everyone was busting up so bad. It was great. Oh man. Haha. Laughing about it now in my head.

Anyway rode my bike home from the station tonight. It's getting freaking cold dude. I was riding home on my bike pretty fast so my hair was getting blown by the wind, so it wasn't keeping my ears warm. I got home, and they were bright red, and because they were so cold I had a massive headache. Now it's just a little. But I think this calls for some earmuffs. Black ones so they don't clash with my pretty pink coat =D. Exciting story right? Haha.

So on my way home I was thinking about a few friends that I have. They're awesome. I was thinking about hwo they love me for me, no matter what. You know what that reminded me of? Jesus. His undying love. He loves me for who I am, as I am, even when I screw up big time. It's interesting that they remind me of that, cause two of them aren't even Christians. CRAZY! But awesome at the same time. I wish that I saw all of my Christian friends that way. Hopefully that day will come.

Anyway found the Iressistable Revolution in my madre's room the other day. Gonna read it again, cause that book is freaking amazing, and refreshing. I'm starting to think about my winter reading list as well haha. Gotta finish all of the Ted Dekker books that we got this summer, and then I think I'm gonna get on reading Twilight. XD. I've cracked! Gotta read it. I'm just way too curious now. Everywhere I look it's like "Twilight!" or "Edward Cullen!" I JUST GOTTA KNOW! hahah.

Ok depressing thought for the night. I was doing my Japan Seminar homework, and we just finished up our Hiroshima section yesterday. So we were talking about the bombing of Hiroshima and stuff. So our homework was to look through the art of Hiroshima victims, and to categorize them. One of my categories was water. So the images that I found were images of people who were boiling from the radiation, and trying to drink water. But the water was messed up so when they drank it, it literally blew up their stomachs and they died. So the images were of bodies floating in the water. Gruesome, I know. But then I realized something. In one of the images there's this building that a lot of people in the world recognize, because it has been shown a lot in images of Hiroshima's destruction, and it's something a lot of people drew. In one of the water pictures with dead people in it, that building is right next to it. Then I remember. In 7th grade we went to Hiroshima for a school trip, and we went to that building. I remember the river now. And now I feel sick. I saw the destruction caused by the atomic bomb, that disgusting weapon. But because we were in the peace museum, I didn't think anything gruesome about the whole thing. But now I think...I was by the river where people drank and died. People drowned. People died where I stood, from something my country used. And people wonder why I'm so antiwar.

Ok. On that note. Better say something happy to end it off. I have completed my next Knowledge piece. I might have to change more though, cause tomorrow is critic day. I'm scared. But here it is, I'm really happy with it.

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think." is the text around the apple. The quote is by Benjamin Spock. Hope you guys like it =] Oh and hand model is Ty Boynton. He was nice about it. Haha.

Well goodnight everyone! I'm gonna go get some good sleep. Hopefully...haha. Loves! <3

Breathing In A New Mentality

I have 2 days left on my Adobe Photoshopt CS2 Trial. CRAAAAAAAAAAAP. Back to Gimp with me. So lame. Better get to work on my photos now haha.

Anyway. Crappy day. But you know, that seems to be the way things generally go now. Kinda lame. But. I shall not let it keep me down. Ima try anyway. For example, I had a crappy day today, so I'm going to edit my pictures, and hopefully get some good stuff out of them to make me happy. Wee.

I thought I found candle apples over the weekend...turned out they were just like, insense or something. I was pretty pissed when the thing stopped burning.

Listening to underoath. I think underoath and All Time Low are the only two things I listen to these days. It's ok though. They're both insanely awesome.

I'm bored. I don't know why I'm writing a blog, I really don't have anything to write about. Off to my pictures I go.

"Do you really need to see an I.D...

...this is embarassing as hell but I can cover for it so well..." All Time Low

So pretty much had a crappy day, but I'm feeling better now. Feeling a little under the weather though. The air in this country sucks. Anywho. My fingers look like skittles. It's lovely. I've been having to ward people off, they keep trying to eat them. Haha jk. Anyway. Totally hooked on All Time Low right now. It's pretty awesome. Listening to an acoustic version of Coffeeshop. It's nice. I really like it. Alex Gaskarth has a beautiful voice. Can't wait to perform some of their songs at the next MUSE Coffeehouse! I think it's in Februray. Gah. Sounds so far away. But it's ok All Rights Reserved has a performance at ASIJ's Winterfest on Dec 6th so that should be bomb. We're doing a Nevershoutnever set, and one Christmas song. Wee I'm excited! I won't have a guitar this time though...I hope I can figure out something to do with my hands haha.

Current thought skipping through my mind...I can't wait to find out if I get into Azusa. I hope I do. Really wanna go there. Either way I can't wait to go to college. I wanna start over and go somewhere where not very many people know me, cause if I end up at Azusa I'll know Ayumi, Corey, and Ethan, but I'm good on their list so it's ok. And they aren't the kind of people that will expect me to be around them all the time. They would probably rather I didn't anyway haha. Can't wait to start over though. I haven't had a fresh start in a reeeeeally long time.

So I'm gonna go to bed now. In bed before 10? Miyuki?! NO WAY! Yes way. It's happening tonight. Oh BEAUTIFUL.

I'm A Fool.

When the cold comes, the best way to keep from it is to shield yourself from it. A jacket. Something to block it. I've found my jacket.

Never will I trust a new girl with my heart like that ever again.

Breathe this in.

I've never lit a match

With intent to start a fire

But recently the flames

Are getting out of control

Call me a name

Kill me with words

Forget about me

It's what I deserve

Wait outside

I hope the air will serve to remind you

That my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath

And my words are as timed as the beating in my chest

(All Time Low)

You say we're free. I don't know the word. You made me believe I wasn't disgusting... now everythings been torn down. Thank you for opening my eyes. I will never trust another girl with my heart again. People always ask why I have more friends that are guys than girls, this is why. Katya's my last hope.

He said this would happen... and I convinced myself he was wrong. I should have listened.

I don't want to fight for anyone ever again. The people I fight the hardest for leave. I'm done.

It's really messed up that the people letting me down are Christians. The people are holding me up (with the exception of a few) are not. There's something wrong with this picture.

Status: Random

So the other day Graham was talking about what stress symptoms he has. My turn. Just for fun.




Cognitive Symptoms
Inability to concentrate
Trouble thinking clearly
Anxious or racing thoughts
Fearful anticipation


Emotional Symptoms
Moodiness
Agitation
Restlessness
Inability to relax
Feeling tense and "on edge"
Feeling overwhelmed
Sense of loneliness and isolation

Physical Symptoms
Headches and backaches
Muscle tension and stiffness
Skin breakouts (and that just makes me feel worse)

Behavioral Symptoms
Eating more or less
Sleeping too much or too little
Procrastination
Nervous habits
Jaw clenching

Well that was fun. I need a vacation.

I just saw a bulletin someone posted, and they were talking about Twlight. Everyone seems to be into Twlight...now I'm really curious. I think I'm getting sucked in. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I'm listening to Christmas music right now. I love it. Plus One Christmas CD. So good. Oh so so good. I love pop Christmas music haha. It's so....awesome. Just awesome. Yes.

4 days to JUMP. 18 days to Disneyland/Thanksgiving break. 46 days to Christmas. 53 days to my 18th birthday. 109 days to graduation. I have a few things to look forward to =]

I'm really missing my boy right now. I was just looking at a picture of us from this summer (see above) and it made me really homesick. Brings back good memories though, so that's good. I'd just like to be back in his arms again.

That was a fun random streak. I'm done. My head hurts.

Oh My Soul

I recently realized that I suck at communicating with people. I talk a lot, but when I want to get accross something that actually has a lot of weight and meaning, I can't. Body language is how I communicate how I'm feeling more than words. Example: If I'm really bothered by something, I tend to stare off in space a lot, lost in my jumbled thoughts trying to understand what just happened.

That happened tonight. No on noticed, so I turned it off. I acted like the happy little girl everyone loves. When really I was wondering what was going through that woman's head before she talked to me...when she was talking to me...when she yelled at my youth pastor...and when I heard her yelling at the other pastor. The yelling shakes me up. Yelling scares me, directed at me or not. I was so shook the first time my youth pastor hit the drums I jumped. I don't even know what happened...I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't understand...and I can't even explain any of it. Oh Jesus save me...

I think my heart is starting to shatter. I don't know what to do about it.

A Poem

It's nice to know when people look at me

They see a disgusting sewage rat

Deep in the middle of my heart is where they spat

They'll never understand

Because they don't want to

Does anyone want to see me the way I am?

The small child crying

Always, always trying

But trying doesn't ever help.

I'm always the one causing the damage

Your desire to drive a knife through your heart

It's because of me

Your pain and misery

It's because of me

I don't need to be reminded

Stop screaming it at me

I'm clawing at my ears

Trying to rip them off so I can't hear your words

All they do is bleed.

Bleeding.

Bleeding.

Bleeding.

And your words just keep growing louder

The crowd keeps growing stronger.

Relief

I officially owe Emi Yoshi my life.

Epic Panic Mode

I can't find my homework prompt for Japan Seminar. CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!

I Keep Clawing At My Ears And They Keep Ringing

There are four things in life I seem to constantly be day dreaming about.
1) Photo ideas
2) Horses, mainly horseback riding
3) Being back in Torrance
4) Graham
The most frequently occuring one as of recent has been horseback riding. I haven't been in two years, and soon those two years are going to turn into three. I hope I don't lose it before then.

Today sucked. It seems like everytime we contact each other now, I look like even more of a failure, like a terrible person to you. With a lot of people I wouldn't have cared, but your opinion really matters to me. I feel like if we keep talking, it's only a matter of time before you think I'm a pile of vomit.

Right now in this moment I would love nothing more than to go up in the mountains where no one else is with a horse and my camera for a night or two. Time to just be me. Take in all of what the Creator made for us. Be at peace with my loves, my passions. I want to sleep under the stars and be able to just stare up at them. I want to say whatever I want, and not be given crap for it. I want to love what I want to love. Be where I want to be. Feel what I want to feel. Ok I have no idea what I'm saying anymore.

I'm sick of all the criticism. I'm sick if being shut down. I know what I want. I know what I need to do. Let me do it. I just want to be me. And be comfortable being me.

I'm getting fat again. =/

Don't Look At Me

I'm filthy.

Yes, Even Stars Break

It's interesting how circumstances in life can totally switch roles on people. At one point in life, he was the person I looked up to. He has the greatest impact on my life, in that he helped me lay the foundation for my faith. He encouraged me every step of the way, and called me out on things when he felt he needed to. He was all the way on the other side of the world, but he took it upon himself to do that for me. He'll never know how much that means to me. He'll never know the impact he had on my life.

Now our roles have been switched. My faith has grown stronger, and his has been hurting. I am calling him out. I just wish that he would listen. It hurts to see him damaging himself...and when I tell him he fights it. I guess I'll never be what he was to me. That's ok though, I know Jesus will use someone else.

I went to Yamaguchi with my family cause we had a three day weekend. I was hoping for a restful weekend, but alas, it was not. I got a lot of sleep, but I didn't sleep well. I'm going to sleep like a rock tonight. Here's my favorite picture from the weekend =] To see the rest go here.

I Need A Life

...and I needed a laugh so laugh with me!






















Awww!!

G-d's Not Dead

So I had a really crazy dream Wednesday night. I dreamt that my mom, Tomomi and I were up in the mountains for vacation or something. On our way back down we stopped at a convenient store and this scraggly old man gave me this little plant with a single drop of water on it and told me to hold on to it until it deteriorated. The plant was a bulb, like if a rose hadn't bloomed yet and it was green. Then we get down the mountain and we're driving through Shibuya. We drive past the street where the Shibuya Cyclone is and I see David McDaniel, and he's the only one on the street. I jump out of the car and he's standing in the middle of the street praying with his eyes closed. I stand in front of him for a while and when he's done he looks at me and he's way shocked to see me. Then we head over to this place next to Tokyo Tower, but instead of being red/orange Tokyo Tower is black. I go inside of the building next to Tokyo Tower and there's a bunch of people. It's almost like a dance. There's tons of people that I know, but I can't remember who was there. Chris (my youth pastor) was in there, and he preaching like crazy. All of the girls were wearing the same kind of dress, just different colors. Someone hands me one to put on and I head out to change. I change into the dress, and for some reason decide that I have to climb to the top of Tokyo Tower. There's tons of people all over, like they're partying on it. I get to the top and then realize that I need to get down. One of my legs is hanging over the edge, and I fall. I fall for a long time, and as I fall I'm praying to Jesus to save me. And then it turns into a movie type thing. I hit the ground, but the ground is like one of those blow up house things that kids play in at parties, so I'm not hurt. And after I hit that it's like a flash back in slow motion. As I'm falling, I see next to my cushion that on Tokyo Tower really big in white it says "G-D'S NOT DEAD."Now what am I supposed to think of this?

"You're Not Alone

...confide in me. Put anything on me. I am always here for you." - Red Rover, The Scene Aesthetic.

I'm supposed to be in bed in 5minutes, but I really need to write. I had a crazy dream the other night, but I'll post that in another post after this one. (Already typed it up.)

I've been thinking a lot...a lot more than usual, and I've realized something. I've realized that my trust issue is a lot more deep than I thought it was. I don't open up to people the way that I thought I did. There's so much I haven't told people. Do you know why I do this? Because I'm afraid. I'm so afraid of what people will think of me. There's this huge pressure to be this perfect person, because in my Christian community people look up to me. If I slip up it causes them to slip up. I can't do it. But when I slip up, I can't talk about it. People can't know. One of my biggest fears is being rejected because of my mistakes. The people that I love the most...I'm so afraid of what they'll think of me if I tell them things. How would they react? Would they still love me? Would they still have that much respect for me? Would they think I was a disgusting slob and want nothing to do with me? People think I'm so confident....but really in my mind I'm curled up in a ball, silently shutting myself off from the world so they can't see. They can't see the worst of me.

You said not to write about you, but I need to vent. My heart is so twisted right now. You've pained me in so many wants I can't even write about all of it. I don't want everyone to know about it. I think the two things that hurt the most were when I told you I had a problem, it could have turned into something really bad, and you just ignored me. You pushed aside my pain and insecurities. Yours were the only ones that mattered. That shattered me. I'm still trying to find the pieces of my heart so I can put them back together. Then there's the times you told me that you didn't trust what I thought I heard from G-d. I was always wrong. I couldn't hear from G-d. That's what you said. You could, but you couldn't trust me with that. I'm less mature than you. I don't know as much as you. My faith...it hurts. I'm so unsure. Am I hearing what I want, or is Jesus speaking to me? I don't know. I don't act. And everytime I think about it the pieces of my heart start to fall again. All the work I put into putting them back together, it's fading. I'm not a piece of trash. You make me feel like trash, but I'm not. My hearts so weak, it's hard to listen to it when it tells me that I'm not. I wish I could curl up in a corner and cry it all away. All the pain. I thought I was rid of it. I was angry with you earlier. I almost wrote you back to tell you how angry I was. But I didn't. Now I'm hurt. You stabbed me again. You opened up my healing wounds. Now they're oozing. I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this... I need you gone before you drive me back to where I was. I don't want that again. Don't push me back to the pain I was escaping. If you ever loved me, don't push me back into it.

I don't want to hate you. I try to keep the mindset that you're a good guy, we just went about it all wrong. I try to tell people that and mean it. Don't make me change that.

I think I'm going to go up to bed and cry now. Oh Jesus save me. You're the only one that heal my broken heart...

Your Presence Isn't What Kills Me

...it's that artistic gleam. It's taking over my scenery, dream by dream." - nevershoutnever!

Ya. I'm listening to him again. Sorry. Can't help myself. I just fixed a tab for that song, haha. I'm such a loser.

I'm about to go work on my Japan Seminar homework since Krauth gave us this HUGE packet to read from. My gosh. I won't be able to finish it all tonight. I finished my college essay though. Woo! So tomorrow I'm going to go over it with Krauth, and I sent it to Yu-san as well to get a Christian writer's perspective haha.

Anyway. Feeling crappy. Again. Got my feelings hurt. But that's life, so I shouldn't really dwell on it. I'm starting to realize that I'm always going to constantly be dissapointing people, and I need to just get used it. They're not always going to like how I think, and I can't sacrifice who I am in every single way to please them. Some ways yes, sacrifice means love, but not in everything. Sucks hardcore knowing that they're unhappy with me though.

It's really weird...I'm sweating like crazy and I have no idea why. It's not like it's even that hot, and I have the fan on me. Hope I'm not coming down with something. I have my college aps to finish, a Japan Seminar essay and the ACT on Saturday. Ugh. So much work. I can't wait for Christmas break. I'm going to spend the first few days sitting on the computer. Or in my room playing my guitar, praying for a new guitar haha.

Ok well better get to my homework and try and forget crap. I'll share a couple of pictures I saw today that I loved first though. =]

0:59 by laflaneuse

I LOVE pictures that look old and faded like this.

And I like the lonely benches.

Kind of fits my mood right now.

Fisherman by PORG
This photographer is one of my favorites on dA.
This pictures is so...dream like.

It's beautiful.

Later kids. <3

"Scream It, Shout It

...tell everybody that you're gonna leave me again, oh so casually." - nevershoutnever!

I'm working on this really irritating online Geometry course but it's time for a break, and a good break calls for a blog. So here it is.

I talked to Dylan Mitchell today (yes I always say his full name) and we decided to add Ty Boynton into our little All Rights Reserved project. He's going to take on some guitar, so I can chill out and focus on my vocals. Sounds like a good trade to me haha. Anyway we've done the Secondhand Serenade set, next up is a nevershoutnever! set. I'm excited. It should be good XD Good poppy music haha. And the awesome thing is the kid that wrote all of it is the same age as us. Woo! He's a better singer than I am. And better at guitar than Dylan Mitchell and Ty but...they'll get there haha. =] Luckily his songs are pretty easy.

It makes me really sad when I get on AIM and I look to see if you're online...and then realize we're not talking for a while. I really do miss you. I hope you don't forget that. You've changed the way I see so many things, and I'm so grateful for all of our crazy, spastic ADD conversations. Especially the awesome photography ideas. =] I can't wait to get to the day we get to do that again. Until then. I hope you're doing awesome. I really do.

Listening to nevershoutnever! woo. I'm obsessed haha. When I get my allowance, first thing I'm doing is buying his CD cause it's freakin CHEAP. So good so good. Haha.

I have a stomach ache. =/ It's been on and off since 5. So lame. Ok well, I've been on break for 20minutes now so I'm going to be a loser and update my myspace status and get back to my math haha. Man. I really am a loser haha. Byeee

<3

Here We Go

I haven't blogged since Monday night....so this might be a long one.

At the moment I'm incredibly irritated. Tyler just texted me. I only know from the area code. He's hanging out with this Christian writer/evangelist whatever you want to call him, that I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE and he sent me a text telling me that and asking me if I wanted to ask him any questions. Ugh. I want to, but I don't want to connect myself with Tyler again just yet. I don't want to give him a reason to talk to me. Or am I just being prideful? It's hard.

Your Call
(sorry about the terrible sound quality...and some of my off notes)
I was thinking about my man when I was singing this...<3


We had the MUSE coffee house last night. I had a blast, even though I messed up a lot. Haha. But that's ok. It was bound to happen. Dylan and Cody both did really good, but Cody was really nervous. His voice wasn't as strong as it usually is. But oh well. It's ok. We'll be better with the whole band next time haha. Emi's band Sargent Horace was amaaaazing. As was Lila. Gene's voice has gotten sooo smooth and beautiful. It's perfect haha.

Ya not really much more to say. Hope slept over last night and we had some good chill time. And ice cream. Woo. We watched Music and Lyrics, love that movie.

I can't write much. I'm in a lame mood now. =/ I wish he hadn't texted me. Frick. There's too much pressure when he does. I feel sick.

I'm done.

PASSION Tokyo 2008

I just had an FANASTIC night! I met up with some kids from church and we went to the Shibuya CC Lemon Hall to attend the first PASSION conference in Tokyo! Oh man. What can I say? I'm so happy I went. I feel SO refereshed! I've never felt the presence of Jesus so heavily in once place as tonight. It was just....AHHH!! Hahaha. =D I'm so exaughsted from the singing and jumping and all that crazy WORSHIP!! haha XD

David Crowder showing us how it's done.

For worship we had Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and my favorite, David Crowder. They were all awesome. And I was really happy that Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman both added some Japanese into their songs. It was great. David Crowder didn't sing in Japanese, but he did some talking, and it was great. Aw man. Amazing worship!

Louie telling us an awesome story.

Louie Giglio was the speaker, and of course, he was amazing. I expected nothing different. And he was hilarious. I'm hoping the sermon he did will be put up on youtube or something, or at least bits of it so I can show you guys. I can tell you about it, but hearing him speak is so completely different. He always hits the spot, and I'm so thankful that G-d has used him to impact so many lives for Jesus.


Ok so if you don't know what Passion is you might be a little confused right now haha. Passion is a college conference. I'm not in college but I'm a senior so I got to go haha. Actually it was probably only 60% college students at this but...that's ok. Haha. Anyway it's for college students to come together and worship and learn about Jesus during one of the craziest times of their life.

The Hong Kong banner I made. I can see me to the right being excited haha.

One of the many signs Korea made for Tokyo.

Before Passion was only held in the US, but this year they started a world tour. They're going to 17 different cities around the world, and we were the 15th. Basically each city would pray for the next city, and donate money to help pay for the next city's conference. They also made posters for them and all this awesome stuff. The city after Tokyo is Hong Kong, so while we were waiting to get in I made a banner on this bright yellow neon colored paper haha. I wrote "GOD BLESS HONG KONG!" and then I asked this guy on the worship team at church, who is from Hong Kong, to write it in Chinese. So it was freaking awesome. We taped it onto the edge of the balcony haha. Then afterwards I asked someone to give it to Louie Giglio for me. Woo! I wanted to give it to him myself but....he was in a meeting so I couldn't. So another awesome thing that they did to remind us to pray for Hong Kong was reeeeally cool. When you give them your ticket they give you one of those hospital band things. On the inside is the name of the next city. So at the end we turned them inside out, so we can pray for Hong Kong until Thursday, on Thursday, and I plan to even after Thursday. It's so cool!!!!

Just gonna talk about Louie's message for a bit. Basically, he was reminding us that we need to be the light in dark Japan. We need to make Jesus famous. And dude I am SO DOWN WITH THAT. Freaking on fire. Jesus keep my fire alive. I can't wait to see what's going to happen the rest of the school year! And even after that.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waste Myself On You

My stomach feels so disgusting right now.

So I was looking through some pictures on DevArt today, and I found some awesome pictures. They really struck me, so I thought I would share them with you guys.

Your Body is WONDERLAND by ciplukk

Kindergarten Girl by ciplukk

interlude experimental4 by BenoitPaille

I might do an actual post later. I'm gonna go take a nap now.

If We Were A Sinking Ship

There are a bunch of things running through my mind in tihs current moment. That was a really wordy sentence haha. Anyway I'm sitting in the dining room right now on my mom's cute little HP laptop, and on the ride side of the screen is this kid named Graham. He fell asleep on the webcam, and he happens to be the most adorable thing ever. I can't get over it =]

Besides that....haha. I've been talking to one of Graham's friends, David, who goes to Vanguard with him. In the beginning of the year they were all like "Come to Vanguard! Screw Azusa!" and it was just kind of a funny thing but like, it's funny how David is persisting with the idea. He keeps reminding me that I need to pray about what school I go to, and I need to let Jesus lead me in the right direction. And he told me about how he really didn't want to go to Vanguard, but this is where Jesus wanted to put him, and he sees evidence of it everyday. I think that's awesome. It just makes me wonder like...ionno. Haha. Does G-d want me at Azusa or Vanguard? I think I'm like, thinking about Vanguard so much now, cause if people I don't really know persist at something with this kind of attitude toward me, it just makes me wonder if Jesus is using them to speak to me. So gotta keep the prayer going. We'll see what happens.

I'm trying to write a song right now, and it's proving to be a difficult process. I have my lyrics down, but the actual musical aspects of the song are a little bit more difficult for me to come up with haha. Ah music. I've become more obsessed this year haha. It's rare that I go by a day without playing guitar for at least an hour. I love it! This coming Friday is the coffee house at ASIJ, I hope more bands signed up...cause last I checked there were only 5 or 6 bands up there, and I'm in two of them XD Ahh!

Oh my gosh haha ok funny story. So I was up late last night talking to Graham and webcaming, and it was morning there for him right. So he's awake but his roomie (John) is still sleeping. Apparently John talks in his sleep haha. I don't remember everything that he said but oooooh my goodness it was hilarious. And then he started talking about the thong song. I'm not sure if he was awake when that started or not, but he ended up turning it on haha. Graham and I were laughing soooooo hard it was so funny.

Awesome picture of the day...

Transfusion by Sayra

"If You Wanna Believe In Me

...don't tell me you're leaving. Please don't be leaving me!" - The Scene Aesthetic





Totally digging The Scene Aesthetic's new song haha. So good. If you like acoustic, go look them up and listen. I love them!





So I thought I would post a blog because I am in a lovely mood now, right before I go to sleep. Woo! Paul you better read this haha. Anywho, I had Hi-BA tonight and it was awesome, as always. Were pretty spastic, espec Katya, freaking love that girl haha. Hope seems to be loosening up more too, which is awesome. She's so sweet. I'm glad to she came to ASIJ, and now Hi-BA!





So I'm talking to Anna right now about that poetic thing I wrote a few posts ago...I need to sit down with it, take bits out and make it into a song. It'd be epic. Totally doing that tomorrow night haha. Organizing the words anyway. =] Woo so excited! Maybe I can get to writing my first song all by myself XD

Knowledge 2

So this is my latest piece in the "Knowledge" series. I'm not all that into it. But...ya. It's done. Comments?





Alrighty! So that's it for tonight. Gonna go get my Jesus time in. YAY! Love Jesus time. Hehe.

Goodnight kids. Have a SWELL day! <3

Reminise

I just went through and read a bunch of old saved myspace messages from people. The one that made me smile and laugh the most would have to be this one ongoing message with Mike haha. All of the previous messages hadn't been saved onto it for some reason, but I think I had said something to Mike about me owning everyone at Tetris and he was like "Oh dude I own at Tetris" and we're like, going back and forth about who would beat who down harder and all this stuff lol. It's so ridiculous and hilarioous. Then he challeneged me to a game. Funny thing was, this was three years ago and we haven't played Tetris yet. Gotta get on that! Haha. Anyway. That lifted my spirits a bit.

There something on my mind right and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I won't say what it is because it's not something everyone needs to read about, or know about, but ya. I'm frustrated. Pray for my frazzled mind! I need Jesus to tell me what to do.

Listening to nevershoutnever! Are you suprised? I doubt it. It rained today. It was beautiful. I left my guitar at school, shouldn't have done that. I always want it now. It's pretty awesome.

You know it's kind of funny when you read old messages from people, and remember how you reacted to them at the time when you first read it. And then you remember what you thought about it like, a few months later. It's really interesting how you can react in such totally different ways to the same exact thing, depending on the time. It's funny how you can believe something at one time, another time think it was total bull crap, and then the last time just think "Aw, nice memories. I learned a lot from that."

Life is just freaking interesting man.

My dad is eating toast. Mmmm...toast. That sounds yummy. NO MIYUKI. Freaking you need to go finish your homework so you can go to bed. Haha. Talking in 3rd person XD. Ah! That reminds me of a conversation I had with Pribble like....4 years ago. We had this whole long conversation in 3rd person and I was cracking up the whole time. Oh late night conversations, how I love you. Woo!

Ok. I'm going to go and do my homework. Wait. Before that. Posting a picture. Because I like it. Yes. This is mine. Enjoy!

Decaying

She's Got Style

Cus girl you got style

And that’s what I love about you

The way that you sit back

Oh how you sit back

And watch this grow

You got dreams

And therefore I believe in you

All the small town people with their big remarks

Ain’t got jack to say about my movie star

Chorus of "She's Got Style" by nevershoutnever!

Yes this song happens to be my obsession of the moment...or week...haha. Woo. You guys should go listen. It's lovely. Kinda funny though. I just watched a video of Chris Ingles (singer), and he was about to play and then he stops. And he's like, "Ok I'm gonna tell you guys a story about this song that's going to make you really depressed. I wrote this about a girl I was dating a couple months back, and she cheated on me." And everyones like, "OMG!!" and he just kinda laughs and is like, "It's cool we're friends. We even text!" hahaha. I was like dude, this kid is freaking awesome. But ya the songs awesome. Listen upppp. Thinking about covering it. I'll change "girl" to "boy" and "she" to "he" though haha.

I'm in a good mood right now. It's suprising considering how crappy I was feeling earlier. I expected to go to bed bummed out but nooo. People just had to go and make me happy by loving my writing =]. Good stuff man. Hopefully when I go to bed in a bit I'll still be in a good mood haha.

Anyway I'm gonna get off and finish the rest of my hw, spend some time with Jesus and get to sleep. Later kids.

"Love until it hurts, and then love more.” – Mother Teresa

This Is How It Is

I'm sitting here eating M&Ms. Blue. Orange. Red. Brown. Orange. Green. They're not doing a very good job of making me feel better. I have realized that I am forever cursed. No matter what I do, for the rest of my life, people are going to jab at me over and over again about having close friendships with guys. The way I see it, there are only two ways to get away from this. 1) End all my friendships with guys. 2) Be someone other than myself and make those friendships less important, or make them seem less important to me than they really are. Those both look like really lame options.

Orange.

I'm listening to Owl City right now. His music is really nice. So chill. It's kind of putting me to sleep though. It's like...really smooth. Not sure how to explain it. Anyway I think people were pretty into my last post (also posted on myspace and facebook) so I'm thinking I need to start writing more. I'm not usually that inspired though. How lame is that.

Blue. Like your eyes..

I'm trying to convince my mom to get me this guitar. I really want a Taylor, and this is the cheapest one they have so...I'm gonna go for it.

Anyway. I have to go do hw now, because that is what my life has come to. Maybe I'll try and do some writing after that.

Red.

I'm Not Going Anywhere

The marine layer hugs me as I lean on the edge gulping in the salty California air as my body shivers. My jacket is too thin. I stare over the dark peaceful ocean, the ocean I know I'll be longing for. It's rhythm, it's scent, it's life. All of this will soon be a distant memory, and I fear what the future will bring. Fear of being abandoned again. Memories of former pains flood back. I can't have that again. My breathing slows and my chest heaves.

I wish you would come to me. I'm scared.

The silence is stirred by your footsteps, and I wonder why you've come. You say you can't leave me alone in the dark. I breathe sharply. Silence. You being to talk of your pain as I listen, lost for words. I start to cry. Everything I've been trying to hold in and hide is spilling out of me.

Hold me.

You stand up and reach for me. I welcome your arms around me as my body shakes harder. Your arms of protection. You never let go, silently crying with me. Leaning into you I absorb your warmth as the tears stream down my face. I can hear your heartbeat. The sound I've become so accustomed to. My comfort. I hear you whisper just what I need to hear.

"I'm not going anywhere."

In that moment I know it won't be over. I know your love will follow me in the plane over the ocean. You won't let me down. You gently wipe away my tears with your perfect hands and place your jacket over my cold shoulders. In the cold with your arm around me we silently walk to your car, and we dance under the streetlight one more time.

I love you.

"If You Got It All Figured Out...

...then what is there to shout about?" - neversaynever!

Sometimes I have those times when I seem to have way too much time on my hands. Like I'm doing stuff but for some reason my mind just goes everywhere. And I start to think about what my life is, what's important to me, and what I want to do with my life. Actually I think about those things a bit too much. For some reason it makes me really unhappy. Well. Half the time anyway.

Like there are some people in my life right now, I wonder why I call them friends. I wonder why I stick around. And then I remember what I read in my quiet time last night.

Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other's nerves you don't snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out. - 1 Thessalonian 5:12-13

Then I think about college aps and I start freaking out. A part of me is so scared I'm not gonna make it in. Which is retarded, cause I know that I will, be it Azusa or Vanguard. Ugh so much irritation comes up when I think about college.

Then I think about the future. I think about how all these things I've been wanting to do will become a reality. I'll get to go on dates with my man. Go horseback riding, be it regularly or just at random times. Midnight drives, screaming at the top of my lungs. Shows. Road trips. Pizza. (haha) I can look at those things and smile, but at the same time they make me want to cry. I'm so freaking impatient I want it all now. Jesus give me patience.

Another thought haha. If I had everything now, I guess there wouldn't be anything really exciting in life huh? Nothing to look forward to. If we had everything figured out nothing would be fun. Finding things out is part of the fun of living. I guess I should be happy with not knowing everything haha.

My band has a name now. For those of you who didn't know...I'm doing a two acoustic, one vocal band with a friend. We're just going to be doing covers because we're too lame to write songs. So we picked the most ironic band name ever. All Rights Reserved. lol. I freaking love it. Kids in Japan, if you can come see us play, October 17, at ASIJ. Cody and I will be representing Bridge as well. Come show your support!

So I'm really into this band nevershoutnever!. Go listen everyone. Talented kid.

Anyway I'm going to finish my Hansen's Kiwi Strawberry soda and do the laundry. I was in the dark room today so I have some pictures to scan and upload later on. They'll be in the next post.

Cya..

"Heaven, Where Is My Angel...

...I need him now." - Bullet For My Valentine (changed a word in there)

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I don't think you really know who I am. You say you do. But all of the recent things that have been spitting out at me make me think otherwise. You don't believe in me. You think I'm going to change what I'm passionate about. You think I'm too young, and don't know myself well enough to make decisions. Fine. I'll prove you wrong. Just like in so many other things that I'm going to prove once I get out of here. I'm going to blossom. You'll never know what hit you.

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Knowledge 1
Any feedback?

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Song obsession for the moment: Who's Going Home With You Tonight by Trapt

Anyway I'm off to take out my aggression and current unhappiness on some unedited pictures from Luminous Sky. Hopefully some of them came out awesome. I need to start uploading more pictures.

Hope everyones having fun living.

Spit You Out

Screw you and your little dress. Ok glad to get that off my chest. I feel much better now. Woo.

Haha. So today was goooooood. I was at church all day. And after the first service Cody, Sarah, Hope, Christin and myself went to get Rockstars. It was beautiful. Cody and I were awake for the rest of the day haha. Had some awesome jam sessions. Good stuff man. =D Ya I don't really know what to say about today. It was just....good haha.

Graham sent me a bunch of music. Soulja Boy cover by Calvary Kids, hahaha. Makes me SO happy. Funny stuff dude. And this song "A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" by The Providence...amazing. Everyone should go to their myspace and listen to them.

Ya...I say hands off. If you know what's good for you.

Oh so many random thoughts today. Louie is funny. I always have the most interesting conversations with him. I learn from that kid. He knows tons of random stuff haha.

Had a nice conversation with my mom tonight. But you don't need to know all the details. One of the sad things, kinda disappointed about this. If it even happens. But basically because the U.S. is retarded and the freaking economy sucks, I might not get a car. That' ok. But sucks at the same time cause I've been looking forward to driving around by myself blasting my music and screaming. But if not, I still get a bike =D. Haha. So I can....blast my ipod and ride my bike....and scream....in the middle of the night? lol. Er....I'll figure something out if that happens haha. And other stuff. She's already starting to cry about me leaving....my goodness. It's going to be interesting what she's like when I actually leave!

ANYWAY. I am incredibly hyper right now. It's lovely. Really. It is. You should try it some time. =D

Dude. Bullet For My Valentine. FTW!!

I am in a LOVELY mood right now. Want to know why? Well we had an awesome service at church today. Sermon was GREAT, worship was AMAZING annnd on the way home we listened to techno! Haha. It was loads of fun bouncing in the car with the bass turned up. Aw man good times haha. And right now I'm listening to Backseat Goodbye, makes me quite happy. Hehe. So anyway. Today I felt quite released. From a lot of stuff. I think I'm ok now. I hope. All I know is G-d is good. HARDCORE. =D

Anywho...haha. Good mood! Wee!! I really want to write a blog but at the moment I'm a bit too happy to really think of anything to write about. How odd. I got home and I was like "Dude blog time!" and then I opened my blog and I was like...hm. Not much to write about.

Ok I lied (sorry) I can write about something haha. This is so amazing. Jesus is speaking to me, and I don't have any doubt in it. FOR ONCE. Yesss. This is like...wow omg epic crazy OMG haha. There are no words to describe it. There aren't words to describe a lot of things in life...I've recently realized this. It's a bit annoying because then it's hard to express things. Like ya there are good words and all, but you can never hope to express everything to the fullest. But ya. Hearing some stuff I don't like so much....and other stuff I find quite amazing. Like I need to just give Him everything, and He'll take care of me. It's like one of those things you KNOW but you just need to be reminded of sometimes. As ADD as my mind is I forget important things like that haha. But ya. Today I had to sing "I Need You" at church, and for some reason that song always makes me nervous when I have to lead it. I think that's female lead songs in general. Donno why. But basically the chorus is

I need you
More than words can say
More and more each day
Jesus I love you
I need you
More than life itself
Jesus I will worship you
Forever more

And like, I'm freaking leading the song and I'm like "OMG" haha. EPIPHANY! But ya man. Amazing stuff. Haven't worshiped like that in a long time. It was nice for a change. So I need Jesus. And I know this. I've known it...but I don't think I really grasped it. Not for a while anyway. I was drifting trying to figure my life out, when really I need to just let Him figure it out for me. He's generally better at it haha. But ya. I need to go by it day by day, and He'll hold me and take all the crap away. I'm excited =]

You took my filth, and you made me beautiful.
Thank you Jesus.
Love, Miyuki

Counting Down All The Hours I Spent Here, Drowning In All Of Your Lies Dear

So at the moment I am a bit frustrated. That seems to be the case with me recently huh? Haha. I was riding my bike home and I was just thinking about the recent events in my life and like, I started writing a poem in my head figuring it all out, and I was like "Dude this is going to release me" and I was gonna go home and write it out and then I went up to tell my mom I was home and we ended up talking for like half an hour and then I was like "Uh...I forgot it." It's starting to come back to me though so...*opens word document*....I really should be writing my story for tragedy. Maybe this could be a part of my story. HM! There's an idea. I don't know how I feel about writing that for my teacher to see though. Kind of a touchy subject. We'll see how my poem goes.

Anyway Hi-BA tonight was AWESOME, as usual. Fumi and Trev came finally! YAY! And Hope and Christine came, good stuff. I like them. They cool girls, really chill. I'm glad they go to school with me haha. We talked about quiet times, and then did a short one. I read 1 Corinthians 13, cause it's my favorite. It's about what love is, and how it is ESSENTIAL. You guys should all go read it. It freakin rocks.

Anywho. Gonna see what I can get out of my brain of that poem and then I'm gonna see if I can get on that Tragedy assignment. (the story) Later kidssss.

Success!

I have finished my Japan Sem essay on Okinawa after working on it for about 4 hours now. Yes! I hope it rocks otherwise I'm gonna be freaking pissed. It's 11pm now. I'm pretty tired. I need to put the new underOATH on my ipod.

*runs to get plug*

Ok. Even though I'm done with my essay, I still feel a little frustrated. I took some benedryl earlier for my allergies because I was sneezing up a storm but now my eye is REALLY itchy, which usually means my allergies are acting up. Boo. And tomorrow I have to write a story for Tragedy and I have no idea what I'm going to write about. Well ok that's a lie I do have an idea. We're supposed to take events in our life and tie them together. I was thinking...ionno what I was thinking. Probably something that has to do with music. We'll see. I can't think right now. I have a head ache. And I'm really really really tired. I'm going to bed.

I hope my negatives are in tomorrow. I really want to get in the darkroom.

Goodnight kids. Leave me some love.

Lost In The Sound of Seperation

So I finally got the new underOATH CD. I had listened to it when they streamed it on myspace but man....now that I'm actually listening to it, this is their best yet. Before I would have said that I liked all of their CDs the same, but this is amazing. The lyrics...gonna share some of my favorites with you guys =].

Too Bright to See, Too Loud to Hear

Good God, if your song leaves our lips

If your work leaves our hands

Then we will be wonders and vagabonds

They will stare and say how empty we are

How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men

Let us be cold, make us weak

Let us, because we all have ears

Let us, because we all have eyes

How they knew that this would happen

We're so run down

Good God! Can you still get us home...

How can we still get home

I'm not dreaming

We're forgetting our forgiveness

I'm sitting here trying to find words to describe what I think of this song. It's difficult. Basically the only thing I can articulate at the moment is that I think the last line is incredibly true. We are forgetting our forgiveness. That's why people don't forgive. I think if we truely grasped the forgiveness that Jesus gave to us, we would forgive much more readily. Maybe we all need to reevaluate huh?

Desolate Earth, the End Is Near

You said there was nothing left down here

Well I roamed around the wasteland

And I swear I found something

I found hope, I found God

I found the dreams of the believers

Oh, God! Save us all

This song is beautiful. Most of it is instrumental, but at the end these lyrics come in. And it's beautiful. I love that underOATH can talk about the pain of life in their songs, but they always come back to Jesus. They know that there is hope. They've found it, in G-d, as this song clearly states. Beautiful. Blunt and beautiful.

Ok so just looked at some more of their lyrics. I just might to write something about every song. I'll leave that for another post though, after I've finished my Japan Seminar essay and dwelled on them some more. Get ready! Haha. My first CD review. XD

Sleep To Dream

I got my feet on the ground
And I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds
You're not at all what you seem
This mind, this body and this voice cannot be stifled
By your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you, don't come around
I got my own hell to raise

Don't make it a big deal
Don't be so sensitive
We're not playing a game anymore
You don't have to be so defensive

Don't you plead me your case
Don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face
'Cuz it's a crying shame
Just go back to the rock
From under which you came
Take the sorrows you gave
And all the stakes you claim
And don't forget the blame
Sleep To Dream by Fiona Apple

I've always loved Fiona's songs. Ever since my sister introduced me to her in 7th or 8th grade I thought she was brilliant. Her songs had so much insight and emotion. They seemed even crazier when I found that she was raped when she was 16, and that's what a lot of her songs were about. I could never really relate though.

Tonight was my night to do the dishes and I always listen to my iPod when I do them, so I thought "Hey I'm kinda in a chill mood, and not the great kind, Fiona Apple time!" So I turn on my beloved female singer with her low pulling voice and evocative piano parts. It comes to Sleep To Dream, and it's like my eyes were open. I can relate. I get this now. The parts that I can relate to the most are "so don't forget what I told you, don't come around" and "take the sorrows you gave and all the stakes you claim, and don't forget the blame". And then I hear the line in the chorus, "this mind, this body and this voice cannot be stifled, by your deviant ways" and I'm like, "Heck ya, POWER TO ME." Haha.

So ya. Feeling pretty good right now. I can get over all the scars. I can. I want to get rid of them cause they freaking suck like you wouldn't believe. I won't go into them though. There's no need.

I got an e-mail from Hot Topic today alerting me to the new fall clothing that I can't get. Haha. I thought I would browse anyway, because I'm like that. I think I'm gonna see if I can get my mom to get me one of these for graduation, since we never got me one this summer. I like the first one better than the second personally. Dress 1. Dress 2. Cute huh? Then I saw this skirt and about jumped out of my shorts. It's so cute! And these jeans are just...amazing. Wow. Haha. They're downward stripes so they're probably really slimming. I mean skinny jeans already are but this is like, double! Oh man. I just HAD to get into the hoodies didn't I? I'm seeing this "Jessica Louise" stuff. I like it...a lot. This hoodie is SO cute! And this white one is just pure hot. Then there's the freaking awesome Chiodos shirt. And this is just so me. I mean come on, right? Haha.

So then after seeing all of that good stuff I had to go to the accessories. Oh my goodness. Hair extensions anyone? HOLY! These socks are only the hottest thing ever! And then I go to the jewelry section...there is the danger. This is only kind of me. These go with my new obsession with rainbow jewelry. Haha. More rain in the form of a studded bracelet. I need to start wearing my suspenders again. And now the most dangerous part of Hot Topic. Hello Kitty. Yes. I said it. Hello Kitty. And now I'm sad because they don't have anything I like =[. This is a sad sad world. Now on to SkelAnimals! Hehe. So cute. Ok done with Hot Topic.

Quick trip to PacSun before I run off. =D I've been drooling over this hoodie since July. Maybe I can convince my parents to get it for me for Christmas. "Don't Panic I'm Organic!" lol. I would be so down to have that bag.

Ok that's good for tonight. I'm tired.

Christmas presents anyone?!?!?! Hahaha. =D

Goodnight! <3>

"So Now You're Screaming At The Top Of Your Lungs...

...hoping for someone to come." (lyrics by A Skylit Drive)

Kinda having a lame day. Boo.

Sometimes I just sit here and think about life. Who I want to be. Who other people see me as. Past conversations. Kinda random things.

Sometimes I think about how it makes no sense that I lose all this weight and I feel great and then I get back to Japan and it's suddenly all back. I want it all gone again. I have to figure out how to go about it though. I could be spastic and stop eating. I could be a little less than spastic and eat just a little. I can be reasonable and take out the junk. Or I can forget about it. Scratch that last one. That's not gonna happen.

I'm looking around DeviantArt right now. Just thought I'd share with you guys the pictures that are striking me right now. Just cause they're amazing. Both are done by the same artist, darkixi.

Scare

Fear

Pretty good stuff huh? I love the tones and the colors. And the eyes...so striking.

Anyway I guess that's all I have for now. I'm dead. Lata.

When It Rains

Yes. The title was jacked from Paramore. Sorry. I love that song though. Every time it rains I sing it =] Oh Paramore. How I love you! Haha. I think it's the most played song on my iPod. Woo! Anywho!

So today it was pouring down and it made me incredibly happy. We had dinner at this new Italian restaurant in Musashi-Sakai for my brother's birthday. I was sitting next to the window, and the restaurant is on the second floor of the building so I was looking down on the taxi cab area, and you could see the drops coming down. Oh man. What an image. Some people might find this odd, but I find the rain incredibly inspiring. Walking in it and getting drenched in it is even more inspiring than watching it though haha. Be at one with the rain. Oh ya. I just said that. It especially lifted my spirits at dinner because the Italian food was not as good as I had hoped. The pizza was pretty good, but not straight up Italian. And they didn't have garlic bread. I must have my garlic bread, haha. But ya anyway I was all stoked. When we got home I was supposed to start my make up homework but I was like "I'm feeling too dang good and I haven't played my guitar since Sunday (stupid getting sick) so I'm rocking out." So I got out my beloved acoustic (soon to be replaced lol) and figured out my final song list for the MUSE Coffeehouse which is October 17th so if you live in Japan, or you go to ASIJ and you're reading this, please come. =] Hopefully my buddy DYLAN MITCHELL (haha) will be playing guitar for/with me. That is if I can whip him into shape before then haha. If not I'll be going solo. *faints* So I decided I was going to be a hardcore Secondhand Serenade fan and play four of his songs. They are...
1) Maybe
2) Your Call
3) Fall For You
4) A Twist In My Story
I was going to add "It's Not Over" in there but there's like four barre chords in there and Dylan is a newbie, so I don't want to load that on him. Next time maybe =].

So now I'm listening to Luke Pickett, he's so lovely, and making little notes on the chord sheets for Dylan so we can get him started on the songs tomorrow morning. Should be a fuuuun time with tons of complaining on Dylan's end haha.

I'm feeling much better. I still have a bit of a cough though. OH! Funny story. So my buddy Chiro at church (aka little brother) was spraying his cologne on during the service and I was like "Oh let me smell" so he gives me his wrist. *Miyuki sniffs* Wait a few seconds.... *Miyuki gags* "Chiro you freaking clogged up my throat!" *Miyuki coughs through the rest of the service* haha. Good times. Anyway. Don't smell Chiro. Just my words of wisdom for the night. My voice is almost back all the way. I can't quite hit a few notes without cracking, but I should be ok by the end of the week.

Today was pretty chill. I had a really good day at church, the sermon was lovely. Pastor Dennis was preaching on how the Bible says men are supposed to act toward the wives. I liked it quite a bit. He added a few funny things in there too. You know those "when a woman says this she really means...." Best part about those is they're pretty dang accurate haha. So ya it was good stuff. And then we had small groups and that was loads of fun like always. Bailey keeps making me love her more with her awesome fashion sense and our similar thinking (in some ways anyway). Then came home and chatted with Graham for a while and webcamed it up! I got to see him laugh a smile quite a bit. Totally made my day. Even over the rain! OH MY! Haha. I even got to see his puppy, whom I am in love with. He's so cute. And white. And omg. Just so cuddly. XD I'm obsessed with his dog. I'm sorry. I can't help myself.

So yes now that this LONG blog is done with, I think I'm going to go read my suspense book, and possibly do some more HW.

Goodnight lovelies! Leave me lovely comments. <3

I'll Spin You Around

I should be really happy right now. I just went to an awesome rally. I got to see some of my CAJ kids again. I saw Luminous Sky and they were really really good. I think I was happy and then I got home and I was like "Boo...I miss my man." Then I had to do the stupid thing and turn on Spin You Around by Puddle Of Mudd which is like...our song. Well one of them anyway. It makes me think of him cause it's the song we dance to. *smiles and thinks of the first time they went dancing* Hehe. I miss him though. I miss dancing with him. I miss his smile. I see it on the webcam but it's not the same thing as seeing it in person. And I just read this e-mail he sent me during the summer. I was having a hard time because of something and I was crying and on AIM he start typing out the most amazing thing ever. I'm not telling you what cause it's my secret, but looking back at it now...man. I'm in complete awe. The fact that someone could think this way about me blows my mind. I'm so blessed to have him. Can't wait to be back with him. Until then. I'll just have to wake him up at random times =P.

Besides all of that mushy stuff haha....Still haven't been able to get around to my photo idea! Gah. My mom made me clean my room and then I had to shower and then Sarah was gonna come over so I didn't have time. I won't have time tomorrow because I have church and then make up homework to do and then we're going out to dinner for my brother's birthday. AH! So much haha. I'll probably try and do it on Monday or Tuesday after school though. We'll see what goes down...as usual. I'm terrible at planning my days out.

Alrighty it's time for me to go and read my awesome suspense book, Thr3e by Ted Dekker. Good stuff man. Then I'm going to go to sleep. Cause I'm really tired.

Knowledge 2

So every post that I talk about my photography project, it's going to be called knowledge. If you're just starting to read you might want to go back and check out the previous post so you know what's going down =]

So last night in one of my posts I mentioned my latest idea. This is what I have in my mind right now, tell me what you think.

Category: Self Portrait
Background: White
Props: Print out of pictures of apples
Wardrobe: Black basketball shorts and a white spaghetti strap
Picture this: Me sitting cross legged smack in the middle of the picture (my position could change...) biting into a picture of an apple. More apples, torn, full, bit into, are strewn all over the floor around me.

I have another idea, similar. I would do this at church and I would have a bunch of people do it. Then I would put them all together in a collage. Each person would be looking up, down or to the side at someone else (except for the last person who will be keeping to themselves). We'll see =]

Peaceful

It's amazing how easily thinking of just one certain person can calm me down so easily. I feel so chill and at peace right now. Hehe. This years going to be awesome, full of obstacles for sure, but awesome. I can't wait to see what it'll bring and how it'll end. I'm so excited about it. I can't remember the last time I was so excited to see what was going to happen day by day. I'm so used to looking ahead to what I can't have at the moment. That was tiring. This is much better. For sure. I can look forward to what's in the future, but I can enjoy the moment I'm in as well. It's a nice change of pace for me.

So I was going to do my "me eating paper apples" idea tonight but then mom said I have to go to bed at 10:30 cause I've been sick and it's almost 10:30 so that will have to wait until tomorrow. Hopefully they'll let me shut off the doors in here and concentrate on it haha. Hehe. I can't wait to do it. It's gonna be so freaking epic XD. Wooooooo!

Seriously. Life is a joy now. Does anyone notice the difference in me or is it just me?

Mentally Hyper

So apparently blogging is incredibly stimulating. Just from my experience haha. Ok I just got interrupted like five times. OF ALL THE RUDE THINGS. Haha. It's ok. I'm chill. Anyway I just spent the last hour being stupid on the webcam and making Graham laugh. It was awesome =]. I love it when he laughs. I love it when people in general laugh really. Laughter is BOMB dude. Freaking bomb. It generally means happiness, or it leads you there. And happiness is well...BOMB. Haha. Ok enough of that word. My sister used it in high school. I just started using it again. Bringing it back old school baby! Hehe.

Anyway. That was incredibly random. But then that's kinda how it goes for me right? I went back to school today and then I can home and I was like BOOOOOOOO I'M TIRED. Then like I started talking to Graham and now I'm like flying cause he's just fun to talk to. Haha. Anyways had to write a very serious email a minute ago so I've toned down some.

I have this awesome photo idea. It goes with my whole "knowledge" theme. I decide that every picture should have an apple in it, at least one, subtle or completely obvious. So for my first picture I'm going to get a totally white background. It's gonna be a self portrait haha. And I'm going to be chewing on a picture of an apple, and then have a bunch more strewn all over the place around me, and maybe in the background as well. We'll see what I decide. But ya. I'm pretty stoked to see how this will turn out =D.

I'm sure I'll post again later. I'm just like that. <3

Individuality

Ya ok I know I said that I was only posting two today but I decided to have a little rant.

It's interesting how you think you get rid of that person in your life that's really pulling you down and then you realize that you just didn't notice the other people pulling you down because that other person just outdid all of them. I hope that makes even a little bit of sense. Basically what it comes down to is I'm not what people want me to be. I'm not that girl that wants to be like everyone else. I don't want to look like everyone else. I want to be me.

I want to get a hot pink streaked hawk because I think it reflects my craziness. It's something different from everyone else around me.

I want a lip pierce because I think it would look good (after that fake trial I know that it would) and it's just another way I can be me in a way different from most of the people around me.

I wear black because I like how it looks on me.

I wear skinny jeans because they make me look slimmer and they are incredibly comfortable.

I wear chucks because they fit my slim feet and they're comfortable, not because I'm emo.

I don't like wearing colors like orange and yellow because they don't look good on me.

I like music with screaming because it sounds good to me. I like the emotion it gives off.

I like going to shows and getting pushed around because it makes me feel alive.

I like acting like a complete idiot when no one else is because then I'm something different.

I don't eat meat because I don't want all the gross chemicals in it. Ya, they're in other foods I eat too, but this is easy to cut out.

I like walking in the rain because I feel natural. Seeing and feeling the beauty of what my Creator made. It makes me feel alive.

I like to eat raw cookie dough because it is DELISH. Who cares if it's fattening. It's not like I do it all the time.

I like photography because images are a big deal. Words are generally too confined for me. With images there are so many more possibilities. And images can show a passion that words could never hope to express. I know that I'm going to be a photographer, that isn't going to change. This is what Jesus made me for.

I believe that violence is wrong. Jesus said those who kill by the sword die by the sword. I've heard a lot of people ask "What about self defense?" Before I would have said it's totally ok. Now for me, I'll call on the name of Jesus for protection. He can project me better than I could ever hope to protect myself.

I love California. It's my home. I know I'm only there during the summer, and then it's like a fairy tale, but home is where your heart is. Your heart is where those you love are. Those you love are the ones that stick by you and prove that they love you. My home is California.

I realize that some people might think that I'm pushy, but that really isn't my intention. I believe what I believe. You only think I'm pushy because you disagree, and you don't like that. Disagreeing is fine, so chill out. We can talk nicely about it =]

I can hear from Jesus. He does speak to me. I won't let anyone tell me that he doesn't again. Or that I don't hear right. I'm sorry I ever believed you.

That's enough for now. I'm tired and my head is throbbing. Goodnight everyone.

Knowledge

One more for today. I decided to do two posts cause....that last one deserved its own post =]
So anyway. I'm taking AP Art this year (hooray!) and I needed a concentration. So I am doing photography. I narrowed it down to Portrait photography and then my teacher was like, "Ya needing more specifics" so I was like ok what the heck can I do?!

So then I was talking to Graham today, and I randomly got this BOMB idea for a photo. You know how you always see those pictures of people who have ideas and they have a light bulb above their head? Well. I thought instead of a light bulb, a jar full of fireflies. How epic is that?! Hahahaha. Anyway I'm pretty excited about the idea. So then I was like, DUDE. My concentration should be knowledge! Cause my buddy Katya had this Adam and Eve idea (too difficult to try and explain in words) that she said I could use. And the whole Adam and Eve thing with the apple has to do with knowledge. Eve took the apple because she wanted to know everything like G-d.

So check it out two awesome ideas and they both have the same idea! Knowledge.

I have more ideas in the making, thanks to my buddy Melissa whom I swap ideas with constantly. She has lots of better ideas than me, so I give her my lame ones and she makes them awesome. Or I give her my awesome ones and she gives me more to add. Either way I'd be nowhere without her. Thanks girl!

So anyway keep your eye open. I'll for sure post them on here =]

Engulfed In Love

<-- Is he insanely handsome or what? =]

Basically...I am madly, hopelessly in love with this guy named Graham Gatlin. I just thought the whole world should know. Because he's amazing. =] He motivates me to work hard on things I really could care less about, but have to do anyhow. He encourages me in my passion, photography, more than any other human being ever has. And I doubt anyone will ever share his enthusiasm. When I'm feeling weak he reminds me that I'm strong, and I can do anything. He always likes to remind me that I'm beautiful. And makes me feel like a princess. He says silly things to make me laugh. He loves my large amount of weirdness. He never lets me forget that I'm worth something, I'm special, and he loves me for who I am. Best thing about him: He wants to treat me in such a way so that I can see myself the way Jesus sees me, through him.

Who wouldn't be incredibly happy to have a guy like that? =]

I love you Gummy Bear <3

Sickly @ Home

So as I sit here listening to The Scene Aesthetic (oh the lovely melodies singing in my ears) I'm being sick and trying to keep from coughing. Sounds joyful doesn't it? Haha. You know sometimes I wish my head would stop spinning with all the crazy thoughts in my head that make little to no sense. There's so much. I'll map out some that I can make sense of enough to type out at the moment haha.

I'm dealing with a hardcore Alesana obsession right now. It's awesome. They better be at Warped next year so I can go see them again =D. They're so awesome. Omg haha. There are no words to describe how much I loooooove their music. Hehe.

I can't wait to go off to college and really form myself into the person I want to be. I can't wait to be able to study what I'm actually interested. I can't wait to learn Greek so I can read the Old Testament the way it was supposed to be read. I can't wait to go to small, cheap shows and hang out with the bands. I can't wait to take pictures of everything and everyone that I see. I can't wait to get my hawk that I've been wanting since the 7th grade. I can't wait to get hot pink streaks in my hair. I can't wait to get a lip pierce (hopefully my mom will let me pull that one when I leave the house). I can't wait to have a car and be able to drive around with my music blaring. I can't wait to party in parking lots to Danger Radio with my kids. I can't wait to be with him =]. I can't wait for dorm pranks. I can't wait for midnight drives to nowhere. I can't wait to be able to call my friends and say "Let's just go somewhere." I can't wait for weekend camping trips. I can't wait for horseback riding. I can't wait for crazy parties where I get to dance my life away. I can't wait to watch the sunset on the beach with you.

I really miss my Jenny girl right now. Like seriously out of all the girls I've met (and trust me I've met a lot. They've been forced on me a lot these past 17 years) none compare to her. I know that we've grown up in completely different worlds, we have different views, different tastes, but we're still besties. I love her for loving me for who I am and who I've become, not who I was. She's the one person that has stuck by me HARDCORE these past 7 years. She's so amazing. Mental/Emotional/Spiritual sisters right here. I can't wait to get to hang out with her again and stay up late laughing at nothing. Sitting around watching Gilmore Girls. Making fun of her for her obsession with them. Watching Degrassi and crying. Listening to Taylor Swift. Dancing and complaining about how much better she is than me. She can actually move her hips. Haha. I miss her pretty eyes that always tell me the truth. I miss her blunt truth. She knows whats up, and she lets me know. I'll forever be grateful. I love this girl to death. Nothing will ever take her from me. NOTHING.

Chris did a message at church a couple of weeks ago about how we're supposed to respect and love our parents. I came out of that thinking "Heck ya. I'm gonna work harder to respect my dad" and I really was. Sunday my brother and I woke up at 6:30 to make my dad a cheese cake for his birthday before we went to church. Trust me that's a sacrifice for me, I do not do mornings. So we made that for him and it was all cool. Then that night at dinner my mom was saying something about my graduation and how my dad needed to record it in his calender. He asked why. What's the point in asking why? Is one of the biggest transitions in my life that meaningless to him? Then he leaves the table and asks when my brother's elementary school graduation is so he can go. I can just feel the love pouring out. (major sarcasm)

Now that the depressing stuff is out of the way...The Scene Aesthetic is amazing. Oh lovely. Lovely lovely lovely haha. Go listen. http://www.myspace.com/thesceneaesthetic

I would like to thank you for boosting my confidence. I wouldn't be who I am without you. I wouldn't have been able to get into that show the way I did without you. A few months ago I would have been way too shy and insecure. Some people are telling me that I've changed, and they think it's bad. This is so far from bad. I'm so happy now, and people are noticing. People at school keep saying "You're so happy this year." If only they knew why. Other people notice too. =] I sit here with a smile on my face so often. You're such a big part of that. Thank you so much. Seriously...thank you.

I wish it would rain right now. I'm in the mood to go out and dance in the rain and sing at the top of my lungs. Life just feels so good right now. I can't remember the last time I was so happy to be alive. =]